


To Accept

by 2ni



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Trans Dave, warning: dysphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2ni/pseuds/2ni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Transmale!Dave au where no one but Bro and Dave know that he's dfab except Bro is dead (whoops). Dave is now on the three year meteor trip thing but he's really self conscious and feels like he's annoying and unwanted.</p><p>Blah blah stuff happens. Tw for some gender dysphoria and slight angst.</p><p>(Ps this is "teen and up" and rated as "underage" because there may probably be some smut later on and Dave is 16, which I understand is illegal in (not my country but) some places. ALSO I DONT CONDONE 16 YEAR OLD SEX PLS LET ME SAY But like given the situation that the only humans left at that time are a bunch of 16 year olds and some aliens I say frick frack diddily dack patty wack snick snack crack pack slack mack quarterback crackerjack biofeedback backtrack thumbtack sidetrack tic-tac the rules.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dave: Begin Well-Written Backstory

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty so 1) I write/wrote this entire thing on my phone at like 3am when I can't sleep (and I am currently uploading on said device at 12am) so understand that this may not be as good as it could be. That being said I am an appreciator of correctly-used grammar(unless colloquial) so that shouldn't be a problem (though if I make a mistake pls correct~)
> 
> 2) FEEL FREE TO SKIP THE FIRST CHAPTER. It's basically just Dave's angsty backstory and setting up his experience with being trans.
> 
> 3) ^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!! This is my interpretation of Dave being trans. Everyone has different experiences, so don't read this and be all "wow I know eXACTLY how it feels to be trans!" Because no. Also, despite not being cis myself, this doesn't mean that I always know what I'm talking about/nothing I say is offensive.
> 
> PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU FIND SOMETHING OFFENSIVE.
> 
> I try not to be (and I don't think I am) but this doesn't mean I'm not?
> 
> ALSO PLS COMMENT AND STUFF. Thank.

**Dave: Begin well-written backstory ===> **

You don't know when you first realised you were a boy.

You faintly remember when you were a kid, maybe 7, and your Bro told you that you were getting to that age where you needed your own room so he said he'd move out into the lounge and let you have his room, which, at first, was difficult, but you soon grew to appreciate the fuck out of it.

Back then he still called you Elizabeth, which for some reason you hated, so eventually he switched to calling you your middle name, Dave, short for David. You don't remember when, but you fucking loved it.

At first, you thought that maybe it was because it sounded a lot like "Dirk" which was your Bro's name, of whom you adored the hell out of. Shit, you idolised him. He wore shades, so you did too and you copied him to every extend you could, ultra-ironic ways and hella strifing skills included. To cut that shit short, your Bro was the fucking best caregiver and you would shove a freshly-sharpened longsword up anyone's ass who said otherwise.

Bro definitely made things a lot easier as well because he didn't gender things (hell, he watched my little pony and you're pretty sure he did it unironically) and, thankfully, you never remember him gendering you. Unfortunately, that did not help when you were out in the real world.

...You don't know when you first realised you were a boy, but you remembered when you were first tricked into thinking that you weren't.

You were 9 and it was coming up to your 10th birthday and your Bro had told you that he would take you out and "finally get you your own fucking katana that's not a total piece of shit, aight?" as a birthday gift. When he took you to the store he told you in fine detail what _exactly_ you should look for when buying any sort of sword. Usually when your Bro went into intense monologue you zoned out or got distracted, but this shit was crucial information to you at the time. When he was done, you nodded and began to walk further into the store, but stopped confused when you realised he wasn't following.

"Bro," you called out, voice as steady and cool as it always was, "you aren't gonna follow?"

He walked up to you again and you thought he was going to then follow you, but he stopped and placed a pale white hand on your shoulder.

"Consider this an exercise, lil man, find the best katana without my help, kay?"

"But Bro-"

"C'mon. Once you've selected, come find me an' I'll be here, browsing for myself."

You stared at him for a while before he knelt down on one knee, his hand still on your shoulder as he presumably looked into your eyes (it was impossible to know as you both were wearing dark tinted anime shades).

"Dave. You got this. I believe in you," and he followed through with an ironicly melodramatic speech of encouragement, before he stood up and moved his hand from your shoulder and flicked you on the nose. "Go on, now scram, kid."

You sighed and he stood up and you both walked in the opposite directions. You soon found the katana section and you closely examined each an every one of them, until one of the shop keepers came up to you and asked if you needed help with anything.

"Nah, I'm just looking for a sword for my bro," you told them, the lie rolling off of your tongue as smooth as a baby's ass. Seriously, so smooth you could touch it and it your hand would slip right off because there was no friction at all to stabilise it. That was how smooth you were. But for reals, you had to lie because of the obvious dilemma that is they would kick you out and possibly arrest your Bro is they realised you were looking for a sword for yourself. To use. The shopkeeper looked convinced. See? What did you say? Smooth. As. A. Baby's. Fucking. Butt.

"Well, if you're looking for one for your brother-" they begin, but you shush them.

"I know what I'm doing." The shopkeeper did not look convinced this time.

"I don't think so," they protested.

"Well I do."

They shook their head. "What would a little girl like you kno-"

You broke your neutral face and frowned in confusion. What?

"What"

"-know about swords?" They continued obliviously, before taking the hint that something was wrong by the way you were staring at them so oddly. "What do you mean what?"

"....you called me a girl?" You say. They laugh and this just confuses you more.

"Don't think you're old enough to be called a woman yet! You're, what, 10?"

"In a couple of days I will be."

"See? Maybe in a few years-"

".....And I'm a guy." Their face just fell into a frown, similar to yours.

"Uhm," they say.

"Uhm," you mimic.

The rest of the conversation was a bit of a haze; you don't particularly enjoy remembering all of the times strangers blatantly misgender you, especially that particular time because that's when everything went downhill.

You begin to notice it after that when people call you "she" or "pretty" and when they tell you that you would look better with your hair long and if you wore a nice dress. You notice it when you watch tv and all of the girls have large chests and all the guys have lumps in their pants. It breaks your heart because you're just so confused, and even more so when you can tell that it's hurting Bro to look at you because he can see right through your cool guy persona.

You were 11 when he gave you the talk.

He told you the physical differences between a designated boy and a designated girl and explained to you in detail what you might be experiencing in the next few years. He tells you that your chest might grow and that you might start bleeding "down there" and you nod and say "cool" or "whatever" at each of the facts that make you feel worse and worse about yourself.

Your name is Dave Strider and right now you feel like you've just died on the inside.

After Bro tells you "all the shit you need to know" he paps you on the shoulder and leaves for a short while which is good because you just want to be alone. You mope around for a bit, and spend a lot of time looking at yourself in the mirror, confused at how you could be seen as a girl. It was ridiculous, but maybe it was just because you had always seen yourself as a boy, and you weren't exactly ever treated like a girl so... Your mind wanders until you're beginning to panic about never being seen as a boy and maybe you'll never be one maybe you're not and there's something definitely wrong with you and okay maybe it's not so much of a problem now because you're flat chested and shit but like bro said what if you grow up to have massive boobs and a girls face and oh my god oh my god oh my-

Your computer bleeps at you, informing you that someone is pestering you and thus interrupting your mini-crises. Sitting at your computer and opening up pesterchum gains you the information that it is your best bro John who you def wouldn't mind talking to rn so you spare about a solid hour about nothing important and you reply to every message of his asap (not caring if you seemed overeager because you knew he loved it) until nine blue words popped up on the screen and made you stop entirely; "Hey! we should all totally meet up one day!!!!!!!!!" Your hands shake as they go to type a reply, unsure what to say. You mean, on one hand you loved John, as you did with the small group of online friends he was referring to that basically just included him, Rose and Jade, as well as some other weird trolls that kept trying (and failing) to prank you.

You loved them and you really did want to meet them, but you introduced yourself as Dave. They assumed you were a guy. You did too, to be fair, and you...were. You'd like to believe you were, but at the same time, you weren't. You didn't want to see them if it meant they found out, so you go to type a lame excuse, but when you guess you spent a bit longer having a mini-panic attack than you thought because when you start typing, the blue words return on the screen and John asks "hello??? :/" and, c'mon, you can't let down a cutie like John Egbert, so you settle with sending "hells yeah" and you continue on with your conversation.

*******

By the time you were 13, you looked like a guy, you acted like a guy, to everyone who knew you, you were a guy and you, well, just were one. Your Bro bought you stuff that did something to your hormones to make you look more masculine (he said he thought it would be better to start before puberty) and you were tall and lean and had a mostly-flat chest and your albino-caused platinum blond hair was always kept short and "ironically" messy which definitely helped. You even successfully mastered the art of lowering your voice to make it sound cool and casual to the point where it became practically natural, and most importantly masculine.

Thanks to your Bro, life was pretty fucking fantastic in terms of your gender identity although it was still something you hadn't told anyone because you were still hella insecure. So, when he died it hurt like hell... ...but you don't want to talk about that, so why don't we move on?

**Years in the future, but not that many. ===>**


	2. Years In The Future (But Not That Many)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is forced to realise that he is in fact loved by his friends~
> 
> Also, the beginning of the davekat I know you're yearning for ;3

**Years in the future, but not that many ===>**

You'd like to say you enjoyed your new life on the meteor with Rose and those weird trolls, but that would be a lie. You didn't hate it, but it was pretty shit.

For one, the coffee was terrible and there was alcohol you considered drinking for the hell of it, but witnessing the effect it had on your ecto-sister played a big part on your decision against it.

Mainly, though, you were bored and lonely. All there really was to do was work on your sick rhymes, work on Cansville with the Mayor and annoy Karkat, but to be honest you kinda felt like your relationship was less light teasing and more "DAVE I'M ACTUALLY REALLY FUCKING SICK OF YOU PLEASE JUST GTFO". Not that he'd said that word for word, but he'd said a lot of close paraphrases.

So, asides from Karkat, the only choices for any sort of company were Terezi and that fucking insane clown Gamzee and they were not so subtly in a hate-fuck relationship or whatever it was called and Rose had her new girlfriend who you tried hanging out with on multiple occasions but it was obvious they didn't want you around, so you usually just bailed and went back to the Mayor again.

It also kinda really sucked how Jade and John were impossible to reach, no matter how hard you looked for them in dream bubbles.

In fact, you'd just woken up from a failed attempt at finding your only other two single friends (even Karkat was in a moral relationship or whatever with Kanaya jfc) although you suspected that Davesprite (who was sorta you) might be in a relationship with Jade which led you to wonder if he/you had told her about your lackthereof cisgenderedness.

'Nah,' you spoke aloud to yourself (you tended to do that a lot more than you'd like to admit) after considering that Davesprite was, in fact, a sprite with a ghost butt and thus probably had no genitalia. 'Lucky him,' you murmur.

Before you knew it, your mind was clouded with thoughts about your alternate timeline-part-bird-sprite's ghost butt/potential genitalia but you stopped immediately as you heard footsteps coming closer to your room.

It wasn't difficult to guess who it was as there were a total of six other people on board and each had their very distinct personas, so you didn't get up from your bed, nor did you move your arms from being lazily draped over your face.

"Hey Karkat," you say as his footsteps stop outside your door, probably about to knock.

He swings open the door and you can practically hear his frown as he speaks.

"What the everloving fuck are you doing lying around still? We're all waiting for you, fuckass."

Your eyebrows shoot up as quickly as you do, but you don't bother actually getting off the bed.

"Wow," you deadpan, "you used two 'fucks' in two consecutive sentences. Your vocab is losing its colour, dude."

"Yeah? Well I don't give a flying FUCK, 'dude'," he retorts.

You two stare at each other expectantly as he waits for you to retort something and you wait for him to explain why everyone is supposedly waiting for you. Eventually he gives in.

"Are you going to get off of your incompetent ass or just sit there all day ?"

"Well that depends. What's the occasion?"

Karkat literally facepalms himself and you find it hilarious and kinda adorable at how lame and melodramatic he is.

"You forgot, didn't you?"

"Forgot what?" Shit, was it someone's birthday? Or Wrigglerday or whatever? You were fairly certain it wasn't Rose/Yours.

"It's the anniversary of us all being on this piece of shit meteor and we're having a celebration? It was Terezi's idea."

An eyebrow is raised and it is most certainly yours. "I'm like 99% sure that we've been on the meteor for over a year. Also, no one told me, so I guess I wasn't invited."

Karkat gives you his signature Look, but it softens as he hears the last bit of your sentence.

"Of course you're invited we wouldn't be waiting for you if you weren't. Also, it's been a sweep, dumbass. Not a year."

You sigh and stand up, automatically touching your face to make sure your glasses stayed on during the night. They were, which you were immensely glad about. You loved your shades as not only did they shield your weak-ass red eyes from the light that would usually hurt your eyes but you had to admit that you had pretty feminine eyes, so it didn't hurt to hide them. Also your shades were just really cool and it was a bonus that it was John gave them to you.

"So you're coming?" Karkat asks. You nod and walk to Karkat, ready to follow him to wherever he's taking you.

"Of course," you say, "I'm the life of the party."

Karkat just rolls his eyes.

The two of you walk for a bit before Karkat beings muttering inaudibly.

 "I can't believe I would ever say this, man, but raise your voice cuz I can't hear shit."

He frowns up a you but then faces forward when he continues speaking.

"Why are you always in your room? Not that I care, but lately the only times when you come out are when you're with the Mayor."

You sigh as the two of you apparently reach your destination because now you're in a room where there's decorations hung up everywhere, there's a variety of food and drinks spread out everywhere, and everyone is standing up and socialising.

 "If you don't care, why did you ask?" You ask in rhetorical question. You head in further into the room away from Karkat and find a place to sit down, away from the small crowd.

You also try and not think about Karkat's words, but fail miserably. That few words "I don't care" that were used to describe you, though it was probably just something Karkat said and didn't mean, it really stung, especially considering you'd long suspected that no one here actually cared about you.

Once again, your thoughts were interrupted by someone. This time, however, it was Terezi, who was holding a bottle of that Faygo shit and thrusting it towards you.

"No way in Hell," you tell her. She frowns and proceeds to sit next to you, beginning to drink it herself, which you find really nice but at the same time you feel like you're being socialised with out of pity.

"So what's up??" She asks you. "I never thought a cool guy like you would be late to, like, our only party we've had!"

"I was being fashionably late."

"Heheheheheh well, Mister Cool-And-Fashionable-One, care to join the group?" She gestures vaguely to where Rose, Kanaya, and Karkat are standing and talking.

"Nah," you tell her, "I'm chill just staying here," which could be loosely translated to 'no I don't want to annoy these people because they probably don't care'.

Terezi frowns and folds her arms across her chest, but she's still holding the Faygo bottle so she ends up spilling a bit on herself which almost cheers you up.

She notices but doesn't seem to care as she unfolds her arms and grabs your arm with her empty hand, trying to pull it so you'd stand up.

"Don't be such a buzzkill, Dave Strider! Be social and talk to us for once!"

"Why are you making such a fuss?" You ask, still adamantly sitting down, despite her efforts, "I'm totally cool just sitting here, minding my own business. Seriously, so cool that-"

"JEGUS! I don't want to hear how cool you are with being on your own! You already make it so obvious by shutting yourself away all the time and ignoring us. We really miss you, Dave. Why do you think we even had this stupid sweep-anniversary thing?" Terezi said, her face the perfect embodiment of the emoticon >:L.

You really don't know what to say at first, in fact there is such a long pause of silence that Terezi literally begins tapping her foot on the floor in impatience.

"...you guys miss me?" You ask.

"Well duh," she replies, "you're friends with us all, not to mention one sixth of the company I have on this dumb meteor, and you've been avoiding us for a super long time."

She looks like she's about to cry so you stand up and ruffle her hair with her hand and automatically she drops her hand from pulling on your arm and begins to almost purr.

"So you're gonna come and hang with us?" She asks hopefully.

You nod and lower your hand. Seriously, after her saying all that and figuratively filling yourself with joy, the least you can do is hang with your pals which you've apparently been neglecting.

Terezi beams and you guys make your way to the others and talk about the randomest of shit for a while, they especially seemed enthused to finally talk to you, and the time really flew (both in the literal and metaphorical sense). Sure, the party kinda sucked (there wasn't even any music jfc) but you had a great time, though you noticed Karkat was unusually quiet.

When it was over, you decided it would be totally understandable if you absconded before they began cleaning, especially considering how Kanaya seemed to thrive on doing it herself, so you did as such, but a certain nubby-horned space alien invaded your way.

"Karkat, you're in my way."

"Yeah I know," he said, looking anywhere but you, "I just wanted to stop you for a bit so I could talk to you about something before you absconded back into solitude, is that such a fucking crime?!"

"Jesus, lower the volume and make it quick or Maryam will make us, more importantly me, help clean up."

He thought for a moment before deciding that you were probably right (seriously, when wern't you) and pulled you by your sleeve until you two were a safe distance away.

"Okay, so what do you want? Lay it on me."

"Well, I just wanted you to know that, as much of an insufferable prick you are, and that I am basically in a constant state of wanting to insult you-"

"Welp I can tell when to rear-end a conversation so I guess I'll see ya la-" you go to leave, but he pulls on your cape.

"Dude. Don't fucking touch my cape."

He sighs and releases his grip, but continues what he was saying. "There was gonna be a BUT in that sentence, had you waited."

"Okay fine I change my mind," you turn back to him, giving him your attention. "But only because I expect at least one 'butt'."

"Would you stop being a nookwhiffer for one second and let me finish?"

"Only if there's some booty included and hey, it doesn't have to be in the sentence," you double pistol him and stay cool on the outside but the inside of you is more like 'why the fuck did I say that'.

He gives an exasperated sigh and moves on, despite your counterproductivity.

"What I mean to say is that I, like Terezi said, uh, miss you, like the others do, and, well, I wanted you to know that it's cool and fine and all if you wanted to hang out with me more often because I fucking care about you, you piece of shit.......or whatever..."

You want to ask if he really means that, but instead you ask "You, uh, heard Terezi?"

"Dave, the room was pretty small and she was practically yelling of course I fucking heard her."

"Ah."

"Well, so?" He asks.

"What do you mean 'so'?"

"What do you think I mean, jackass? What do you have to say to what I just said?"

"I didn't hear any "butt"s, so..." You joke.

"I called you a jackass, isn't that good enough for your weird bullshit needs?"

"It's almost close enough."

"What if I said it endearingly?"

You smirk. "Sure."

He punches you lightheartedly in the shoulder and calls you "jackass" again, but then he rolls his eyes and you pout at him, rubbing the part of the part of the body he touched.

"Dude," you whine facetiously, "don't touch mah cape!"

Eyebrows are raised and this time they're his. "So?"

"Yeah," you almost smile, but instead nod, "sounds cool."

**Dave: Return back to your room while smiling like a total tool on the inside.**

** ===>**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm probably going to upload the next chapter today"- me, but it is literally 12:02 am and I have failed you all.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and all comments are read and appreciated 9u9 
> 
> ((Also why is it so simultaneously difficult and time consuming to upload via mobile??)) 
> 
> (((Psst... my tumblr is homestfuck.tumblr.com although from now until Boxing Day it is ChristmasEridan.tumblr.com)))


	3. an explanation

I had this entire story planned out and I s2g it was so good but it was planned out in detail on my old phone which broke a long time ago. I somehow fixed it but it wasn't on my phone?? Also what was going to happen practically happened in canon so I feel like this fic would have been deemed redundant and unoriginal.

Also I can barely remember what happened because it was soooo long ago and I don't ship Davekat enough to finish this fic, and also I am not particularly a writer. 

I am, however an artist (/and animator) so to make up for this mess of a fic I'll take art requests and try to do them in between all my animation assignments. I also might finish this if I ever get the motivation. (my blog is skeletonsofpuns.tumblr.com so hmu there)

Again I'm so sorry ;-;

**Author's Note:**

> ALSO, do you ship Aradia and John?
> 
> "no" you say?! Well, that shall be changed to a "noT YET" because my friend and I are working on a rlly good humanstuck fanfic with them so keep an eye out for it when it comes ;P


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